Week four of marathon training is done. Fourteen more weeks remain – or 96 days – I prefer to see it as 14 weeks as it sounds less scary than 96 days!
I fought a hard battle out there on Saturday’s long run. The mileage for the run was 9. I have run more 9 mile training runs than I can even remember, and it should be a drop in the bucket for me but this one was particularly tough. In fact, all my runs during the last four weeks have seemed tough so something isn’t quite connecting for me and I need to get it figured out. At this point I think it is mental.
Two miles into my run and I started having knee pain on the knee where I had my bike crash – remember that? Flipping over the bike and onto my left knee onto the pavement. I still have intermittent problems with the knee. What I felt yesterday was stabbing behind my kneecap. Then, just as soon as it would be there, it would be gone. Another mile or two it would come back. I stopped 4.5 miles in at my turn around point to have drink. I sent a text to hubby and told him my knee was hurting. Then I started my return 4.5 miles home. In my mind I was thinking, maybe he’ll come get me and then I can stop.
During the entire run I was convincing myself to just bail on the entire marathon. My mind was working overtime and I was pretty certain I had rationalized a way out of the marathon. My mind said things like “You don’t even really like running, you have nothing to prove, you aren’t running the pace you thought you would, you’d rather be biking and this is taking you away from doing what you would rather do, your knee hurts what if you’ve really damaged it, etc.” Yes, there was a full fledged pity fest going on in my mind. In hindsight, while I had some knee issues my mind was probably blowing it up much more severe than it really was.
And then it happened. As soon as I started that last mile something in my body just shifted. I felt my pace pick up and my body felt strong. With about a half a mile to go the mother of all songs came on my ipod “Flashdance….What A Feeling”. I felt goosebumps break out on my arms. My body felt so totally aware and alive I could actually feel my arm hair stand up. I knew at that moment there was no turning back and that my heart’s desire would be stronger than the weakness of my mind. As the song says, “I CAN really have it ALL!”
This training will not be easy. The training is what separates the “I want to run a half-marathon, or I want to run a marathon” dreamers and the actual “I RAN a half-marathon, or I RAN a marathon”. Over the years I have seen so many say “I am going to run a half or a marathon”. Then they barely get into the training and the training alone was nothing at all what they had anticipated. They flat out quit without even really trying. I am telling you that it CAN be done……but the training is a “dream killer” if you let it. It almost got me yesterday but I am resolved to see this through to the end. I know that I will need to continue to fight against the “dream killer” during my 16, 18, and 20 mile training runs. I imagine I will go through all of these emotions each and every time I’m out there. I’m pretty sure that when I run 18 and 20 miles I will feel like I could actually be dying. Having Wendy and/or Hubby out there with me might be the only thing that peels me off of the ground.
I look at my training as I look at the other moments in life that have knocked me down. Each time I get back up. I will not be a quitter. I know I just need to apply this same focus and resolve to my marathon training. Am I scared of the distance? I’m not sure I would say I’m scared of the distance, but I most certainly RESPECT the distance. I’m also intuitive enough to know that the distance is a “insert colorful word here”.
Some of you may be wondering what happened after I sent Hubby that “My knee HURTS” text at 4.5 miles. Well, after I made it back home I dug out my phone and saw this reply text “We are waiting for you, momma – we just got up.” I am so thankful to have a runner Hubby. He knew to let me battle this out with myself – and apparently he was confident who the victor would be.
-- Lori
Here is what I’m singing today:
Lori on 
There’s such a fine line between pushing the edge and injury. It takes a huge amount of body/mind awareness to distinguish between the two. It’s hard sometimes to tell whether thoughts are just irrational fears/conditioning or a true warning signal. I find that if I observe these thoughts without emotion or judgment they either go away on their own or they don’t and actually have merit. Most of the time they go away! lol
First off – please take care of that knee – I know I am sensitive to injuries but I dont want to see you hurt.
Second – you truly inspire me! You are my running inspiration. Above all, I know you want to enjoy the experience. You know it is hard and gonna be harder but you want to enjoy it. So the first month was less than desirable – if I was the one talking like this – what would you say to me?
I seriously think of you every time I run! When I am slow and think I am too slow I think of you and the encouraging words you would tell me! When I can’t even think about taking another step I think of you. You have been so encouraging.
I KNOW you will find your rhythm and I KNOW you are gonna ROCK that marathon!!
xox,jen
Oh what a powerful post. Dream killers are the monsters inside our head for SURE! One of my excuses, I always get hurt when I exercise! I lived up to that thought. Once I saw it as an excuse instead of a reality, well, exercise became fun. I tried a little running, and NOW as part of my Changing it Up I will ride the bike at least once a week. That has been my biggest …I will get hurt excuse and it is time to face that and send I can enjoy riding a bike thoughts. Pedaling to no where in particular but pedaling ……
I AM SMILING SO BIG RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! The “Dream Killers” are NOT always EXTERNAL!!!! You BATTLED that INNER DEMON and WON!!!!! “I’M STILL STANDING”…. YES YOU ARE!!!!!!
*Hugs*
Great post! And congrats for beating the dream killer. The beauty of running is that it’s a long-term thing and one run is just one run in a big bucket of runs over a lifetime. I try to remember that when I have a bad one. They can’t all be good, but keeping your eye on the prize (dream!) works. Your post is really encouraging and it’s great that you are in-tuned with your body as you run. It’s just you and you out there and I have a feeling you’ll rock those 16,18, 20 milers!
Lori,
That’s awesome that you battled through both the physical and mental monsters!! I KNOW what you mean! I have faced those, too…one time succumbing to them. And now for several weeks in a row, facing them – and feeling that exhilaration at the end – of completing this, of putting in what needs to be done, of proving that I CAN! And that’s exactly what I see in you – what a wonderful thing!
You are doing this!! Woo-Hoo!
I loved the post, Lori! Yay for finishing strong! You finished this run even though it was hard, and you can remember that and how strong you were the next time you have a hard run. Keep thinking positive thoughts! Take good care of that knee too!
Great post, Lori! I know you are gong to continue to train strong. It certanly can be tough but now you can think of the Flashdance song when you feel like stopping. Also imagine me and the rest of your supporters running alongside you and cheering you on.
oh woman I ADORE THAT: respect the distance.
You are going to rock your marathon Lori! I have no doubt that you will do the work you need to do to be ready, both mentally and physically.
I, too, think of you when I run. Especially when it feels like it is too much or too long of a distance for me. I focus on my breath and pull back my pace a little and tell myself that you did it and so can I. You really are an inspiration to me. xo
as (@jeninRL) said, take care of that knee first and foremost. Your health is more important than anything. As you said though it might be mental but only you will know that for sure.
Your training is going good from my perspective, you just hit a little bump along the way. I know you will pick things up as time goes on
ha.. I know this feeling better than anyone after just going through it.. LISTEN to your body BUT also go with your heart.. *injury free of course*
Hugs..
WOW Lori! Maybe this is what I was feeling the other day when I asked you??? You are so freakin’ amazing! I know you can do this and YOU are my motivation, physical proof that change can happen and amazing goals can be conquered if you have heart and determintaion!
You have me smiling as well and I love that your hubby knows enough to let you be and make it through!
Love ya woman!!!!
XOXOXO
I am FEELING this post. Ughhh, I don’t know why, but I’m relating a lot with you on this “WHAT THE HECK DID I GET MYSELF INTO” feeling!! Ack! I think it’s the weather. I know you’ve said before that you like to run in cooler weather. It’s been humid as fresh crap lately, and it’s been tough! I know! I’m glad you found your mojo at the end of the run. I’ll keep rooting you on all the way till Oct!